i don't post a lot, but it's because i never have much to say. i really just miss doc. i think about him all the time, and how our lives are finally falling into place. i think about how far we've come, and how much we've worked for everything we've had. i think about how much i've messed up in the past, but how it got me to where i am today, and i would have to say that it's made our relationship stronger, and made me a better person.
for a while, i thought i was weak, i thought i couldn't handle this lifestyle. and we hadn't even been through a deployment, or talking about it. i just couldn't handle the distance. everything was an argument. i couldn't stand it. i hated that i didn't know when i would get to see him again. i hated that he was never there when i needed him. i hated that my life was crumbling right before my eyes and he wasn't there to pick me up, and he didn't even try while he was in hawaii. i think that if he hadn't flew me out there for my birthday, i don't know where we would be....i think we would be broken. we rekindled and then he had to leave for CAX. that really made me realize how strong i am, and how much i need him in my life. he came home, and we had a great two weeks. it may not have been perfect, but it was us, and that's all we needed.
now, i wake up every day and love him. and every day, i go to bed and think 'there's no way i can love him more than i do today' but i prove myself wrong every time i wake up.
i hate 'tooting' my own horn, but i feel like we deserve this. neither of us have had an easy childhood, each struggling through it all. we've been each other's rock for four years now. i'm not ashamed to say that i need him in my life, i need him to be there for me. and he needs me. we lean on each other. that's what you do in a relationship...in a marriage. i love him. and i'm ready for him to be home. and i'm ready to start my life with him. we deserve this, and i'm not going to let anyone take it away from us.