racing

all i do all day long is dream about my bed, and going back to sleep. just to get a good nights sleep. but here i am once again, up at 11 at night, and my mind is racing. my body is just so damn tired, but my head doesn't want to listen. half the things i think about, i can't even comprehend, and that sounds so silly, but it just goes so fast, i don't have time to actually think about it. i can't even be that crazy 'list' girl cause i don't have enough time to write it all down :/

this is to you doc....
a lot of people say they miss you. a lot. but i don't think anyone can miss you quite as much as i do, not your mom, or your brother, or your dad. before you left for boot camp, yeah, they saw you everyday, but after boot camp, during soi, and when you got stationed in the fleet, i was the one that was there for you. me me me. your brother wants to tell a sob story about how he's 'lost' his brother and his 'best friend'. your mom wants to sit there and say christmas isn't the same without you. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?! doc, damnit, i miss you so much. my heart feels heavy on the days we don't talk, making it hard to even breathe. then i see that afghan number and that feeling just goes away and gives me butterflies like you couldn't believe. you take my pain away. all the hurt and frustration goes out the window and i don't feel left behind anymore. you are my best friend. you always have been, since day one. you took the time to get to know me inside and out. you took the time to put my pieces back together when no one else wanted to look twice at my mess.

now i just lay here and cry cause i don't know what to do with myself. i miss you so much, and i truly cannot wait to start our lives together.