i don't post a lot, but it's because i never have much to say. i really just miss doc. i think about him all the time, and how our lives are finally falling into place. i think about how far we've come, and how much we've worked for everything we've had. i think about how much i've messed up in the past, but how it got me to where i am today, and i would have to say that it's made our relationship stronger, and made me a better person.
for a while, i thought i was weak, i thought i couldn't handle this lifestyle. and we hadn't even been through a deployment, or talking about it. i just couldn't handle the distance. everything was an argument. i couldn't stand it. i hated that i didn't know when i would get to see him again. i hated that he was never there when i needed him. i hated that my life was crumbling right before my eyes and he wasn't there to pick me up, and he didn't even try while he was in hawaii. i think that if he hadn't flew me out there for my birthday, i don't know where we would be....i think we would be broken. we rekindled and then he had to leave for CAX. that really made me realize how strong i am, and how much i need him in my life. he came home, and we had a great two weeks. it may not have been perfect, but it was us, and that's all we needed.
now, i wake up every day and love him. and every day, i go to bed and think 'there's no way i can love him more than i do today' but i prove myself wrong every time i wake up.
i hate 'tooting' my own horn, but i feel like we deserve this. neither of us have had an easy childhood, each struggling through it all. we've been each other's rock for four years now. i'm not ashamed to say that i need him in my life, i need him to be there for me. and he needs me. we lean on each other. that's what you do in a relationship...in a marriage. i love him. and i'm ready for him to be home. and i'm ready to start my life with him. we deserve this, and i'm not going to let anyone take it away from us.

thanks God

WE GOT OFFERED A HOUSE! ahhhh, everything is FINALLY falling into place. after being screwed over multiple times, and my life crumbling before me, God has given me something amazing. a home. with doc. in beautiful hawaii.

everything will literally be perfect. i'll land in hawaii on june 2, around 8:30 pm, then try and sleep...haha yeah right. get up around 8 or 9 and go get docs car, and pray to God it runs. go back and pick up all my stuff and check out, run to the annex and look at furniture, possibly buy some, then off to the housing office at 1 pm to sign my lease and get my keys :):) ahh. i'm so blessed, and i thank God that he has helped me through everything thrown my way, and given me hope for finishing up this deployment.

this deployment is gonna finish up and i'll finally get to start my married life with doc :)

homecoming

well, we finally have a window. and i'm just taking my dear sweet time buying a plane ticket :/ typical me though. i'm excited, i really am, but i have NOOO idea what day to go out there and i feel like i have so much to do, but i want to take my time doing all of it. getting his car out and getting it serviced will be the top priority. then getting a bed to sleep on, and getting his clothes out so he has normal clothes. the rest of the furniture and setting up our house will come last because i want him to be apart of it and him make it feel like home too. i'm sure he'll not care and i'll get mad cause that's how it goes, but it will finally be our turn, in our home.

that's what i'm ready for...OUR time. we haven't been a married couple at all. i mean, you could argue that we were together for three whole weeks, but that doesn't count. we didn't technically live together since he was living out of a suitcase. and the third week we were both living out of a suitcase. i just wanna love on him and kiss him and tell him how much i love him.